“Just take another step,” she begged herself out loud as she shielded her eyes from the sun, “don’t turn around.” Her thoughts ran rampant in fear as she forced herself to continue.
“Is this the right thing to do?” “Is this the wrong thing to do?” “Should I wait, should I try, should I run, should I go?” She gasped for breath in the cold as she felt tears well up, daring to drop to the frozen ground and give away her pain. It seemed the whole world could hear the despair of indecision battling in her mind, but in her ears she heard only the crunch of her foot on the snow as she took another step forward. “Is it a step forward?” she debated, “or a step backward?” Was she shining in bravery or running in cowardice?
While her body continued in the same direction, in her heart she was running back and forth, like a child seeking permission but avoiding consequence. In her mind she saw her feet as she sprinted back yet also felt the tug of her arm as she drug herself away.
Would the path she left him overcome the pain of leaving him behind? She glanced down at the hospital band cutting off the circulation at her wrist. Maybe someday someone would explain this was the only way to save him. Maybe someday she would look back across this bridge and see her son walking towards her in the footsteps she made. Someday.