Journey to Repurposed
As years go by and we make all the mistakes and learn all the lessons, our experiences graft into an indelible gift—our one-of-a-kind story. We could keep that gift all to ourselves, using it to learn and grow and get by, maybe even heal. Or . . . we could choose the challenging, but powerful, journey of admission and authenticity, by sharing our story with others, offering each word as an opportunity of hope. I choose the challenge. This is my journey to A Repurposed Heart.
Life is too short to not give all you can. Aim high, hold on tight, learn to let go, and love them anyway. Whatever you are led to do, do it with all your heart.
Chapter One
There are many stories on this site. Beautiful stories of triumph beyond tragedy and faith overcoming fear. But the first story I want to write for you is about a missing person.
The missing person was me.
I was nowhere to be found. I wanted to know why despite having a family who loved me, a God who redeemed me, and friends who encouraged me, I still felt alone. I looked in the mirror and saw an empty disguise. There was a sadness inside I could not explain. A disconnect. A longing. I should be full of joy with all these blessings. I had Jesus, and according to what everyone told me and taught me, that was all I should ever need to be happy. I wasn't supposed to feel this way. Life was supposed to be good. I was supposed to be good. I was supposed to be joyful.
But I wasn't. I was missing from my life. I was somewhere out there feeling so alone. Despite doing all the "right" things, I still felt like no one understood what I was going through inside.
Out of frustration, I started searching, knowing there had to be some answer I had missed. There must be some step I did wrong. I had checked all the boxes, so why was life not a shiny image of perfect? I retreated to process things the only way I knew how, through story and words.
The Search Begins
I had always learned about life from the words. They had been my comfort as long as I could remember. I found the best version of myself within my writing. There was peace in the journaling, clarity in the stories, and beauty in the poems. Just me and my words. We were happy together. But then . . . life.
I realized the only thing I had been writing lately was a to-do list. More checked boxes. I had just been going through the motions like everyone else, just trying to survive. There had to be more. As I began my search for what was missing, I returned to story. The story I started with was my own. And what I found within it was His.
An ongoing story of repeated rescue to redemption. From foster care to failed marriage and rebellion to regret, He had always been by my side despite my refusal to acknowledge Him. When I finally got brave enough to face the music and the mirror, I had found His refection. I had finally stopped running. The problem now was since that moment, I had been living as if that first encounter with God was the end of the story. But when I started searching for light in my story instead of just turning another page, I realized He was just getting started.
As my words met my faith, I saw my story through His why instead of my own. I allowed my gifts to meet my God, and we became three. Me and the words and Him. I had let God redeem my heart, but I had never let Him repurpose it. My search didn't end when I met Him, it was an ongoing journey. And He still had many chapters left to write.
A New Chapter
I still feel lonely sometimes. I still get frustrated and sad and hurt. I still make mistakes. But as I walk imperfectly with purpose, I understand joy is not a one-time arrival, but an ongoing adventure that requires a constant search for light. What I longed for could not be found one time and held forever. It was more of a search forever and celebrate every find.
Instead of just sitting in the dark, hoping my faith could be lived from outside in, I started walking in search of the light from the inside out. I found it in my story seen through His eyes. And I found it when I listened to other people tell theirs.
People sitting in the loneliness of a crowded room, praying for someone to understand how they felt, desperately looking for a reason for it all to matter. I wanted them to be able to see what I could see. I wanted them to know they could search for light in their story, too. So, I wrote.
I shared. I told. My pain. My fears. My mistakes. My regrets. My joy. My heart.
My redeemed heart. My repurposed heart. A heart that now had a mission through my words. His mission. To speak out loud about the hard things in my story and to search for the light within it so others could see the light in theirs. So they may know, even though some days feel that way, they have never been alone.
The Story Continues
And after that life was perfect! Nope. I have a little secret for you. Repurposed isn’t perfect. The joy I discover, the wisdom that I gain, the hope I hold on to, and the light that I find often slips right through my hands. There are days the trouble of this world and the critic in my head overwhelm me and leave me sitting right back in the dark. The only thing I can do is renew my mind, stand back up, and try again. To renew the search. No matter how dark it gets, I will still be here, authentically telling about the struggle and the light. I pray every day I find the light to reach for. And I pray every day I can give some to you, perfect or not.
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Shannon Leach
What light can you find today?
Search the Story
Tell the World
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Shannon Leach
Are you ready to search for the light in your story?
Search the Story
Tell the World
Get a Light to Read By
Search for more light in some of Shannon's recent releases.
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