“I have been giving him the silent treatment for over a week,” announces Katie to her friend Samantha.

Samantha cringes and replies, “Oh.”

“What?” asked Katie as she caught the look on her friend’s face.

“It’s just that your husband was bragging to my husband yesterday about how well you have been getting along this week.”

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
~ Milton Berle

I made a promise to never go to bed angry with my spouse. I have been awake for a month.

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.
~ Ann Bancroft

All marriages are happy. It’s trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems.
~ Shelley Winters

“Aren’t you going to text your wife back?”
“Not yet, she is still stuck on autocorrect.”

Arguing with your spouse is like trying to read the “terms of use” online. Eventually you just give up and say “I agree.”

Man: I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.
Friend: Why not?
Man: I don’t like to interrupt her.

Son: Dad, I heard in some parts of the world a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her.
Father: Son that is true everywhere.

“I just read that 2,489,837 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?”